Deputy Headmaster for the Boys. Major, Army Reserves. Latin teacher. Scared us shitless, even after we got to know him. 1*2*
SUZIE RAFFERTY
An American girl. Daughter of family friends. Smitten with me. I have no idea why.
MISS RAMSBY
The girls PE teacher who always had a line of boys willing to carry the hockey sticks and other equipment back to the building. 1*
SPUD
Mr.Taylor, our French teacher. Disorganised, dishevelled, but a great person. He was also a great teacher. If you liked French. 1*
MR. LONGMAN
Our rugby teacher. He had a beautiful girlfriend, and he drove a Morgan. He was a star. 1*
ARSE-PICKER HORNSBY
Our head PE teacher, nicknamed after his obsession with “having a good root.” 1*2*
MR. O’FLYNN
Our school’s headmaster. A basically nice man who would always get Mr. Cousins to do his dirty work. He had about 100 children. 1*
ALAN O’NEILL
His farts violated The Biological Weapons Convention of 1972. 1*
WAYNE SIBTHORPE
One of the original Teds at our school. He was the real thing. A bad boy who drank Coca Cola mixed with aspirin, had a flick knife, and headbutted one of our teachers.
PISSER PARISH
Famous for two things: he had access to his older brother’s “dirty magazines” and, most importantly, he would usually piss himself when he laughed.